Reflection from Alissa Jackson
Hey guys. I need some help/advice. About 2 months ago, one night, I began thinking about how I’ve been living a sinful life and the fact that it breaks God’s heart. I cried out to God and asked for forgiveness for my sins and accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. I cried for a while, then felt peace come over me. I said the “sinners prayer” as suggested. I don’t know how it happened. It was random. I have been told that what I experienced was true repentance and some have also said it was Jesus letting me know I was forgiven and everything will be ok. I began watching different pastors on YouTube. I haven’t seen much change in my life. I have noticed some, like I used to VERY rarely pray if at all, I used to NEVER read the Bible. I have began doing both of those things. Also, I used to cuss all the time and focus on Michael Jackson all the time. I’ve stopped focusing on MJ and cussing has almost completely stopped. But I thought a lot more would change drastically as time went on, especially since it’s been 2 months. Are some sins harder to turn from than others? Or do some take longer to completely stop than others? I’m not sure if I’m asking this question correctly, but I hope you know what I mean.
However, there are days I don’t pray or read the Bible and just spend the day watching TV if I’m not at work. There are days I do read the Bible and pray. I began praying more, recently. I have confused and going back and forth about my salvation. Whether or not I’m saved. I’m not sure. I really need help. If I’m not, I want to be saved. I want to know the Lord and have a very close relationship with Him. I want to serve Him and follow Him. There are times I pray and it feels like sometimes nothing happens. Is that normal? At times I worry about falling away or something like that, because I still sin, sometimes often, and I don’t want to. I want to grow spiritually, but I feel like I’m at a “stand still”. Some things were very surprisingly easy to stop doing, like cussing or spend all day talking about Michael Jackson. I at times still feel like just as worldly as before I found Jesus (more like He found me) I feel like I’m failing somewhere or doing something wrong. Am I?