I believe that our testimonies can change the lives of others ! That our pain can serve a purpose and our setbacks can serve as hope for others - if we dare share pieces of our story! This is long but maybe it will speak to you.
This picture was taken Jan 14 this year - for the last 7 months since my mom passed away- maybe even before then but more so since - I never got to say goodbye to my mom or talk to her before she passed - the regret and deep grief has been too much some days —I’ve struggled with sadness , anxiety, depression/— and as a result recurring health issues that resurfaced - for those who don’t know - I have chronic Lyme disease and Ive worked hard to heal for the last 5 years - but it’s a delicate balance and flares happen when I’m under great stress — and they set me back !
I have felt physical and emotional pain that at times has felt overwhelming! I’ve been angry and not in a good place some days — you see even the most positive uplifting God fearing people can struggle and I was ! Big time!bibfelt purposeless! Stuck! Broken! Defeated ! You see it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of you or says to you if you are broken inside !
I went to church on Jan 15 and I heard a song I had not heard - I speak Jesus! Everyone was feeling the song and hands were raised and the spirit was alive — but I felt defeated and broken inside! As much as I am a worshiper - I could not raise my hands ! My joy was non existent ! My heart was heavy! I’m part of the music ministry and even when I would sing in the last few months - it would be hard because of the deep hurt and sadness my soul felt !
I asked God to heal my heart , my body, my emotions, to help me let go of what has been breaking me! And He did! That week everything little by little started feeling differently- then the next Sunday- Jan 22nd- a sermon was preached by a guest pastor that I feel was a divine message for me!
A lot has changed since Jan 15!
I feel the healing - I feel the change ! It all started with me just letting it all go to God —
I don’t know if this speaks to anyone but this is a part of the story —that I was ready to share right now — In the future I may share more — but I believe that when God rescues us we should share it !
If you are walking around with a smile on your face and deep hole in your heart like I was- I want you to know you are not alone ! You can give it to God- all of it - the whole thing !! You don’t have to carry it anymore ! Ask Him to heal your heart ! And to release you of anything you need to let go of!
Today - In church we sang I speak Jesus again! But this time - things were different for me! I raised my hands ! I worshipped with joy! The external things may not have changed and grief is still real - but the internal circumstances have changed - it’s God! That is all I can say!
Listen - I promise you- God is faithful! He loves you! You don’t need to earn it! He’s giving it to you freely- whatever your heart needs - ask for it!!!
Start with asking God this question- what do I need to let go of and heal from? Then ask him to help you do that
And live in expectancy that He will not fail you
And with Him- we can overcome things we never thought we could ! You are not alone !!!
Credit: Mannie Watkins