Sacred? Not hardly. Little Girl treated as a sex toy by Christian family

Life
,
#1

Continuing the discussion from About Us:

Wow. I could not find a topic on sexual abuse! Is it this site’s belief that Christians are either 1) not sexual abusers or 2) not sexually abused?

Because if so, I’d like to inform you that you are far too naive for a site like this. I can hear the arguments already “Well, they weren’t really Christians if they raped you.” then you walk away because you’ve neatly settled the matter for yourself.

But when Christians do that, they are not settling anything except how ignorant, intolerant and unfeeling they are. I can forgive ignorance, in which light intolerance usually happens, and that is so for one of the faith or one of no faith at all. It’s the “unfeeling” part that really bugs me.

I have SERIOUS questions that need SERIOUS and thoughtful, prayerful answers, not flippant answers. There will be women and even some men reading this avidly thinking to themselves “finally!”. That is , if the rules do not immediately excuse “Christians” from having to deal with this topic.

I was born to and raised by two Christian parents who became born again in the 1970’s. By that time, I too was being pressured to join. Of course, being the youngest child and the only girl, I hadn’t a chance against them.

Did I love God? Oh, yes, most certainly. Did I pray? Constantly! Every night I soaked my pillow with tears. But God did not stop it. I was sexually abused (including rape which broke my tailbone in 3 places leaving 4 pieces) by my father from at least as young as the age of 7, molested by my mother at odd and completely unexpected times, and then raped by my middle brother. All three of these people not only called themselves Christians, they also went to church 7 NIGHTS A WEEK. They read their Bible, they prayed, they laid hands on people (yuck! to a sexual abuse survivor, this is NOT fun) and they believed and praised God. Same people.

Now, explain to me how I am to “forgive” these people when they set my whole life on a horrible course, and ruined any concept of a loving God for me?

I have often blamed God for putting me in that damnable family.

If the only thing you have to say to me is “Forgive” or “you are lying” or “it couldn’t have been all that bad” or the worst “oh, grow up, get over it” I have no use for you.

God is a VERY serious topic. Perhaps the most serious topic one can ever discuss. Second to it, from the opposite end, is sexual abuse. Another VERY serious topic. Though evil at best, Satanic at worst. Well, there might be worse than Satanic, but I don’t know what it is.

So, to live my lovely Christian life, as far as my Bible says, I must forgive all, I must love my enemy as myself. Well, part of “loving myself” was trying to take my life over half a dozen times. So you can imagine what occasionally goes through my mind when it comes to father, mother and brother.

Can anyone tell me that God might NOT expect me to forgive them?

I understand that I must forgive or I will not be forgiven. I’m no longer some poor little helpless girl. I’m a 57 year old grandmother now. So I’ve had plenty of time to sin my own sins. But I never ever stooped to sexually abusing ANYONE, much less an innocent child and even less than that, my own child! Why would a person even do that?

If you have no experience at all with this, skip commenting. I don’t need more amateur answers. I’ve had plenty of them over the years, trust me. However, if you have comments that include understanding and compassion, I will pay very close attention and hope that someone, somewhere has a reason why God would expect me to forgive this. Other than that He will damn me for both my own sins (which I readily agree are more than enough to damn me) AND for all the sins my family did to me to make me think I was nothing more than a hole to poke.

And last but hardly least, it grieves me to know I am so far from being the only one this has happened to it’s frightening. How are people to believe in God when Christians are silent on this pernicious aspect of the very reality we live?

2 Likes
#2

Hi, dear Sunami, I’m sorry to hear you suffered a lot in the past. However, I am not amazed, coz I heard similar things. I don’t have experience about sex abuse, but I want to say something. Human being is very evil, we are saved by God unconditionally, it doesn’t mean we will not sin, sometimes we Christians even are worse than those who don’t know God. So we need God’s mercy and grace to help us change ourselves and have a holy life.

There’re many bad things happen everyday. It’s not from God, but caused by human. The Bible tells us Jesus Christ is the only way to God, He is our salvation. He died on the cross for our sins. Everyone is a sinner. Romans chapter 1 disclose people’s sins, that begins with godlessness, which mean we don’t want to put God in our heart and we don’t believe His love and truth. After the relationship between God and human was broken, the relationship between people and people also came to broken soon. As we see, when Adam and Eve were driven out from the Garden of Eden, Cain killed Abel because of envy.

Romans chapter 1 tells a lot of behaviors of sins, but compared with it, the more terrible sin is from our heart, and only God could change the heart, give us new life. Christianity is not one of the religions, God saved us from the sin and death, and now He is guiding us everyday, finally He will give us glory. As Romans 8:29-30 says “For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.”

In our faith journey, we will meet different hardship and difficulties, there may be the explanation and comfort from those around us, it’s helpful and limited. The most important is the relationship between God and me, our God is living God, and His comfort is the real comfort, his healing is the real healing. And only within God’s love and truth, we can forgiven those who hurt us.

Do you know Joyce Meyer? She was sexually, mentally, emotionally and verbally abused by her father. Maybe her witness will be helpful. God bless~

2 Likes
#3

I too was sexually abused growing up. Know that God is always with you. Being your sanity. Your strength. Holding you together. You’re not alone. Nor to blame or shame. You deserve to be respected & are high valued. You are clean :slight_smile: Always will be :two_hearts::cherry_blossom: This i s a season of repayment and justice. Talk to God, conversate as we are, then listen. He’s ever present. Message me if needed :metal:t4::two_hearts:

1 Like
#4

@Jade_Brasley Thank you. That was a wonderful and thoughtful answer.
I am new here and not sure how to message or do much other than comment and post.
But I will figure it out. I appreciate your kindness and your openness in order to help another hurting soul.
May God bless you richly.

You have followed what scripture says in Romans 12:15 NKJV “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”

#5

you can heal a lot of ppl who has same experience. God bless you !

1 Like
#6

Well, I’m glad that Joyce Meyer, who attracts many Christians for teaching, is talking about her abuse. That is an excellent place to start.

However, I don’t see the issue of forgiveness in all this being addressed. Perhaps no one has, or people who have think it’s too private to talk about. Also there is no explanation of how does one heal the terrible rift that occurs when our earthly fathers usually become our first concept of God? Then if they are sadistic to us, we think God is sadistic? Anyone have that transfer problem? I mean, it could be anything else, like drunk. or a rageaholic. Did it affect your understanding of God?

Also, I wish Joyce had said more about the fact that no one helps you as a child. She said it and it is truly unbearable. But is there any help from God when you are a child being raped by your own parent?

I know that Joyce did not write this article to answer “my questions”! So don’t get too offended. I’m asking these questions hoping that somewhere within the body of Christ, there is someone who knows, understands, and can describe how the process works going from a horrible representation of God by a pedophile earthly father to a good one and then comprehending why God allows it, what good does it do us? I think NONE. Don’t you? Also, how does one get to forgiveness, or does God not expect us to forgive these kinds of heinous crimes?

Obviously, I have more questions than answers. So, @Milo I do really appreciate that you went to the trouble to find and post that.

#7

I feel very sorry to hear this. To be honest, I’m very angry now. I suggest you call police. They should be punished by law, they must know this evil sin will lead them to hell. Please call police, I hope this can bring them to repentance. If they don’t confess their sin and repent, not only their flesh will be punished, their soul will also perish.

【Romans 2:4-6】
Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness leads you toward repentance?

But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God’s wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed.

God ‘will give to each person according to what he has done.’

#8

Dear harvest,
I was angry for literally decades. I saw the fallout in my increasing disabilities from the abuse which then affected my ability to raise and protect my child.

Had this happened a little while ago (say I was 25 years old) calling the police and reporting it would help. Very much. But this happened over 40 years ago, and one of my perpetrators is dead. I’m happy to say he did his best to repent. He told me near the end of his life that he considered himself a complete failure as a father. I was stunned. I never ever expected any of them to own their part. I forgave him and from then on, he treated me properly. (Always ASKED first for a hug, then only lightly touched shoulders instead of body slamming me the way he used to.) So that was a real miracle.

My mother is something like 87 years old. I doubt I could even bring myself to call the police on her even if they responded. And my brother is around 61. He flatly denies he ever did anything wrong “and besides,” he adds “God has forgiven me.” So, what does that mean? God forgave him for doing nothing wrong? Why would he need God’s forgiveness if he did no wrong?

I agree with your anger, the scriptures you cited. I have often attempted to get my mother to start reading her Bible again, now that she’s alone and frail. But she would rather run to her church and to special healing meetings etc. So, I soldier on. And hope and pray that should my mother or brother be people God has chosen, that He will draw them to the Scriptures so they may see clearly and repent.

Thank you for your very thoughtful response. And I just want to repeat, for a much younger than me person who might be reading this, calling the police - especially if one’s perpetrators have children in their care - as soon as possible after the last abuse, is a good policy. Might want to find a great lawyer too, though, or you get pretty much chopped and diced in court. The only reason I would have had the courage would be to protect my own or someone else’s child.

#9

Found a really good short video from Wretched on sexual scandals and how to handle them properly.
This is at YouTube, and is hosted by Todd Friel

#12

I honor you my friend for this. Its hard to open up like this. Praise God that he wont let you to do this thing again. Some Guy will taking advantage with your weakness be brave my friend. I know that sometimes im going to the weakness of a person so i can get what i want before. My community helps me overcome this bad attitude.
Be brave in this world there are lots of this even worse. I honor you my friend keep it up . Remember this “Know your Worth Dont settle for anyhing less God has a plan” :heart: :heart: :heart:

1 Like
#13

It has been a very big chapter of my life and it has changed my views on a lot of things, most especially trust. I am very blessed that the Lord God gave me the strength to leave that toxic situation.

1 Like