When I gave my future to God and said "Do what you want. I will be grateful."

Biggest medical update of my life…

So, in May of last year, they discovered Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension at Mayo on my Mri scan. It helped explain this pressure feeling I had been experiencing for years. It was my first symptom ignored by doctors.

When I first got sick years ago, I told them that it felt like this pressure was building and my body would shut down and then the pressure would release slowly. My breathing was affected and I was essentially fainting.

My health declined and I was eventually diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis. Giving my condition a name helped so much. It gave a direction for treatment and an understanding that even though remission was my best hope, I would be fighting this for the rest of my life.

I prayed for healing and a lot of the time I was just praying to get through the moment. There were so many times I thought I was going to die. My lungs collapsed 3 times and I was hospitalized 10 times in 4 years.

At my last hospital visit, they said something I didn’t expect. They said, “We don’t think you have MG, you have a Functional Neurological Disorder.” I was skeptical at first but they explained further… “Functional Neurological Disorder doesn’t have to be brought on by emotional distress. It can be caused by another neurological condition.”

Upon hearing this news I was upset. I thought I was causing this hardship on my family. I thought I was doing this to myself. I didn’t understand that my brain could do something and I did not know. There was a lot about my brain I didn’t know. My brain had been under stress for years.

Looking back at my initial symptoms it’s clear now that my head pressure was elevated to the point that it was triggering a Cushing Reflex and draining the blood from my head. The FND was working in tandem with the Cushing reflex and started flaring up. With all this going on for so long my brain rewired itself to function abnormally.

I’m in treatment now for FND and my head pressure. This battle isn’t over but my true enemy isn’t as scary as he presented. This illness isn’t going to take me from my loved ones. The head pressure is a thousand times easier to treat than MG.

The beauty of my experience is that God was planning on healing me now. I had accepted that I would be healed when I died. I was ok with it. There were so many times that I struggled to breathe when I mentally planned for heaven. It is okay to prepare for death. As a true Christian, I know what is waiting for me and I wasn’t afraid. I focused more of my prayers on my friends, family, and church. I didn’t want to spend what time I had left being self-centered.

When I gave my future to God and said “Do what you want. I will be grateful.” He lifted this lifelong sentence from my shoulders. I’m not saying that will be everyone’s experience. We all have to pass from this earth at some point and we all have struggles. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. That is our next life if we serve him faithfully. And that has to be our goal.

So, I guess here is what I learned in my experiences so far…

#1 Regardless of your circumstances you CAN be a light in the darkness.

#2 It’s OK to give it to God and walk away from it, that doesn’t mean you concede the battle, you’re giving it to the ultimate warrior.

#3 Heaven is something we should be excited about.

#4 When it is the toughest, God will always show up if you give him a call.

Thank you to everyone who prayed for me and helped me along the way. Thank you to my dearest friends who fought for me and with me. Thank you to my family for understanding and dropping everything in my time of need. Thank you, Church for lifting me up.

Credit: Kaci Ann Facculyn-Gous, first posted Feb. 10, 2023